Coffee for the masses.

Why I can’t get women.

So, I’m talking to this random chick on the bus today. She’s a real cutie, so I figure I’d slip her some of that pimp game like I always do. I tell her I’m a doctor and I make mad scrill but I choose to walk around in hand me downs so the other brain surgeons won’t feel bad. She also knows I drive around in an M-Class, but my butler Jeeves got drunk and drove it into my Olympic-sized pool.

I was about to tell her about my G-Unit contract when all of a sudden my phone rings and it’s my ex-girlfriend, who calls out of the blue, after almost three years of non contact. I got so pissed I screamed at the phone and headbutted this chick in her mouth. I rushed her into the emergency room where she was pronounced dead on arrival. Then I went to Mitchells’ and had ice cream, which fucking kicked ass.

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